we just won't be defeated

thanksgiving

It's well-documented that I'm no fan of "the holidays," but I do like most holidays on an individual basis.  And Thanksgiving is far and away the best of the bunch.  I like Thanksgiving so much that I'm trying today to resist my cynical tendencies.  So let's just say I'm thankful for my family and my friends.  And for four-day weekends.  And for spring rolls.  And for one last day of peace before the relentless Christmas onslaught begins.

take two of these and call me in the morning

Most of the time, I feel pretty goddamn pleased with myself for having the foresight to get the hell out of the flyovers and move to an east coast city where there's lots of cool shit to do.  But every so often, I come across something that reminds me that all the really cool shit happens about two hundred and fifty miles to my north.  Like today when I learned about "Indie Rock Karaoke."

You're probably thinking about now that "Indie Rock Karaoke" offers for our karaoke pleasure a collection of indie rock favorites with which you and I may sing along.  And it does (sort of), but it gets better.  When I mention that "Indie Rock Karaoke" offers you and me an opportunity to sing with a live band, you'll probably think that's pretty fucking sweet.  And it is, but it gets better.  When I drop the other shoe and tell you that the house band for "Indie Rock Karaoke" is Ted Leo and the Pharmacists, you'll probably think I'm making shit up.  But I'm not.  And what's more, here (thanks to Pitchfork) is the list of songs from which we might choose:

Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap   AC/DC

One Thing   Amerie

Dreaming   Blondie

Since U Been Gone   Kelly Clarkson

Rock the Casbah   The Clash

Fortunate Son   Creedence Clearwater Revival

Just Like Heaven   The Cure

Respect   Aretha Franklin

Dancin' With Myself   Billy Idol

Transmission   Joy Division

Louie Louie   The Kingsmen

Minor Threat   Minor Threat

Where Eagles Dare   The Misfits

Your Love   The Outfield

Kiss   Prince

Under Pressure   Queen & David Bowie

Blitzkrieg Bop   The Ramones

(I'm) Stranded   The Saints

L.E.S. Artistes   Santogold

Born in the U.S.A.   Bruce Springsteen

Dancing in the Dark   Bruce Springsteen

Reelin' in the Years   Steely Dan

Suspect Device   Stiff Little Fingers

Search and Destroy   The Stooges

My Generation   The Who

Maps   Yeah Yeah Yeah's

It's probably for the best that this is happening on a Wednesday, because if it was on a weekend there is no way in hell that I wouldn't be there.  And after I sang "Since U Been Gone" with Ted Leo and the Rx backing me up I might as well die because my life would be all downhill from there.  As it is, I might still go.  I mean.... if I'm going to die afterward anyway, I probably shouldn't worry so much about missing work the next day.

be a pepper

Don't forget to get your free Dr. Pepper (coupon) today, courtesy of W. Axl Rose.

Be a Pepper

what's the only sign of intelligent life in columbus?

 
Ann Arbor: 187 Miles

 
Go Blue!

sick

typealyze this

I've taken the Myers-Briggs test a bunch of times, and my personality type has come up the same every single time.  It's never even been close.  I'm an INFP - off the charts.  I think anybody who's ever met me would agree.  It's certainly the description that I would predict (and I did) for myself before taking the test.

So somebody should tell the good people at the Typealyzer that their script is broken.  Yes, I sometimes lie here, but they're only little white lies.  I don't lie about anything substantive.  And this is the first time in at least fifteen years that anybody (or anything) has mistaken me for an extrovert.  The one thing the script did get right, though, is that bit about avoiding conflict.  I don't initiate confrontation.  I just correct those who are wrong.

incorrect

 
Here's the crucial graphic.  This couldn't be - and there's no possible way to overstate this - more off the mark if you tried.

wrong

the road to wellville

Apropos of nothing....  (Okay, fine - that's a little disingenuous....)  Apropos of Jodi being an idiot, here's a ranking of the best breakfast cereals.

 
Number One (with a bullet). Grape Nuts:  There are at least three unique ways that Grape Nuts are delicious.  I defy you to find a more versatile cereal.  With a little bit of milk, they are pleasantly crunchy.  But if you let them sit for twenty minutes or so, they absorb all that milk and become a dense and delicious paste.  (And you don't have the annoyance of a puddle of milk at the bottom of the bowl.)  And if you stick the whole bowl in the microwave for a minute or two...  Well, you've got cereal nirvana.  When I was a kid, I liked to spoon enough sugar atop my Grape Nuts to approximate the snows of Kilimanjaro, but they are just as tasty on their own.  If I had to choose only one cereal for the rest of my life, it would be Grape Nuts.

2. Cap'n Crunch:  I'm not even going to make a Cap'n Crook joke here, because Crook can only dream of one day attaining Crunch's lofty heights.  Cap'n Crunch is the king (or, I guess, the Cap'n) of the sweet cereals.  Number two isn't even close.  Crunch succeeds because it doesn't try to be something it isn't.  It doesn't taste like anything but Cap'n Crunch.  (This is why Peanut Butter Crunch is the red-headed stepchild of the Crunch family, and the less said about Crunch Berries the better.)  Sure, it occasionally lacerates the palate; that's a small price to pay for deliciousness.  In a pinch, this cereal can be used as percussion.

3. Raisin Bran:  Flake cereals - as a rule - really, really suck.  And I'm not too crazy about a lot of things that have raisins either.  But this is a match made in heaven.  The key is that these bran flakes become soggy in milk almost instantaneously.  Too many flake cereals try to maintain their structural integrity.  Structural integrity is overrated.  I want a soggy mass of bran punctuated by the occasional raisin.  Also overrated is two scoops of raisins.  Post's Raisin Bran kicks Kelloggs' ass.

4. Cracklin' Oat Bran:  Talk about your soggy masses of bran.  These bran-shaped O's disintegrate into loosely congealed bran particles with the mere hint of milk.  They're also really good mixed into yogurt.

5. Alpha Bits:  Alpha Bits are basically Lucky Charms without the stupid fucking marshmallows.  So this is sort of a case of addition by subtraction.  Also - unlike the inferior Lucky Charms (without the marshmallows) - Alpha Bits are shaped like letters, so you can make them into words.  As a rule, any breakfast cereal that occasionally swears at me is gonna make my top five.

6. Frosted Mini Wheats:  I love shredded wheat, but even better is shredded wheat that's not good for me.  Kelloggs probably figured out early on that most people drown their shredded wheat in sugar, so they eliminated the middle man and coated these little wheat pillows with a sugary glaze.  But they only did so on half the cereal so they could still pretend this is somewhat good for me.  I'm not buying it, which is why I'm buying it.

7. Cookie Crisp:  Speaking of pretending to be good for me, that's something with which Cookie Crisp doesn't bother.  Tiny chocolate chip cookies for breakfast?  Yes, please.

8. Golden Grahams:  It's strange - ordinary graham crackers don't much appeal to me, but if you make them spoon-sized and add a lot of sugar and milk, they become delicious.  Who knew?

9. Cinnamon Toast Crunch:  See Golden Grahams.

10. Life:  Mikey likes it.  So does Hotrod.

-------------

Third to last. Trix:  Trix are for kids.  'Nuff said.

Second to last. Froot Loops:  Froot Loops aspire to replicate the subtle melange of fruity flavors that is Trix.

Dead last.  Fruity Pebbles:  Fail.

hosed

Those of us who were still paying attention to the Pittsburgh Steelers and the San Diego Chargers at about seven-thirty last night were treated to an exhilarating end to an otherwise lackluster game.

Steelers v. Chargers

To the untrained eye, it appears that the best safety in the NFL - Troy Polamalu - disrupted the second of a pair of desperate laterals to cause a fumble and score a touchdown to seal the victory for Pittsburgh.  It appears that way to the untrained eye because that's exactly what happened.  It's not surprising that the play was subjected to review from the replay booth.  It's a little surprising that there was a determination by the official that there was a penalty (forward lateral) on the Chargers which the Steelers declined.  It's most surprising that the call on the field was overturned and the touchdown was negated.  It's surprising because the call was dead wrong.

The sports-blogging corner of the internets is buzzing today with stories of how this affects those who gamble on professional football games, and I see their point.  But I suspect forces far more sinister and nefarious than the gaming industry and its ties to organized crime.  You see, the outcome of the Steelers/Chargers game affected more than just my NFL rooting interests.  My Steelers had the victory no matter the outcome of this disputed call.  But I've got the Steeler defense going for my fantasy football team as well, and this travesty cost me eight points (two points for the recovered fumble and six points for the touchdown).  And it's no secret that I incurred the wrath of my sleazeball fantasy football commissioner last week with my exposé of his underhanded behavior.  That Dabysan would attempt to orchestrate a conspiracy of this magnitude in order to thwart my rise in the Just Us League standings, I have no doubt.  With a win this week, I am back in playoff contention.  I am currently up by eleven points with Braylon Edwards going tonight for my opponent.  I'd feel a lot more comfortable if I were up by nineteen.  Daby is not to be trusted; if I lose tonight, rest assured there will be hell to pay.

-------------

And because he's awesome, here's a bonus awesome video of the most awesome safety in the NFL.  This is another play from yesterday's game that was reviewed but (miraculously, in hindsight) not overturned.  I'm a bit surprised the zebras actually got this one right with all the money Dabysan was sending their way under the table.

Troy Polamalu INT

stuff i've been reading: a november column

Some of my neighbors post a monthly column about what they've been reading lately.  M-----l started it, and then Jodi copied.  It seems like a good idea to me (I like to read too), so I'm going to copy both of them.  Here's what I've been reading so far this month:

US Weekly
It turns out that Jen is still pissed that Brad left her for Angelina.  And she might be pregnant with John Mayer's baby.  That could be a good thing because she could probably stand to put on a few pounds.  (It would also be good if John dumps her, like he might.  Again.  His music is terrible.)  She looked way better when Friends first started than she does now.  At any rate, I hope she finally finds the happiness she deserves.

TV Guide
TV Guide ran a cover story on Saturday Night Live recently, which surprised me because SNL hasn't been funny since I was in high school.  But apparently 30 Rock star (and total hottie) Tina Fey has been making guest appearances impersonating someone named Sara Paylen.  I don't know who Sara Paylen is, but I plan to tune in this Saturday night to see what all the buzz is about.

Tales of a Fourth Grade Nothing by Judy Blume
Man that Fudge is a hoot, right?  I can't believe he actually ate a turtle.  But on a more serious note, this book is about how much younger siblings totally suck.  I have younger siblings too, so I can relate.  They're the worst.  My childhood and adolesence and early adulthood were SO miserable.

Cat's Cradle by Kurt Vonnegut
I liked Breakfast of Champions better.  That book had a drawing of a butthole, which made me laugh.  Plus, nobody ate a turtle in this one.  So it goes.

Archie and Jughead
Archie needs new spark plugs for his jalopy so he can take Betty to the sock hop.  (And afterword, he hopes, the drive-in.)  He has the idea to set up a kissing booth at the school fair to raise the money, but that mean old Reggie wants to spoil the plan.  He dresses up in a gorilla suit and gets in line, but Archie is too clever.  When Reggie's eyes are closed, he gets Jughead - whose eyes are also closed - to substitute for him.  Hilarity ensues.  And Archie gets his car fixed.  Betty, naturally, is impressed.

The Elegance of the Hedgehog by Muriel Barbary
I've had a tough time getting into this one.  I blame this partly on my prevailing foul mood over the past few weeks, which makes me want to zone out and think as little as possible while I ride the subway to and from work.  But I also place blame on the characters, who thus far are clichéd and - worse - boring.  Oh, it's a poor little misunderstood rich girl who thinks she wants to commit suicide; oh, it's a disaffected concierge who pretends to be an anti-intellectual.  However will their lives eventually intersect in a deep and meaningful way?  I'm not being fair and I know it, but come on - I'm ninety pages in.  Let's go somewhere with this already.  And I'm annoyed that this has been sitting so long by now that I should probably read those first ninety pages over again.

People
Angie says Jen should mind her own business.  She didn't make Brad cheat, and Jen should just let it go.  It's been three years now.  I mean, come on....

Weekly World News
YOUR DOCTOR COULD BE AN ALIEN!  Holy. Fucking. Shit.  I knew it!

why do you try to cheat?

Don't you know it is wrong?

The Clash - Wrong 'Em Boyo

shenanigans

Well, well....  It looks like certain Voxers are less than amused with our disparaging remarks about the Washington Racists yesterday, and are determined to exact revenge in a most juvenile manner.  Let's recap: the fantasy football team managed by us is the Toledo Maroons.  Dabysan manages the Fluffy Bunnies and is also the most unscrupulous commissioner in the history of fantasy football.  (Cappy is the brain-trust responsible for perennial cellar-dweller Manulio's 'Lectro P-awn, but he's not relevant to this particular discussion.)

waiver wire

The mighty Maroons - who are defending their Just Us League Championship - have had an off year.  They've been plagued by injuries early and started slowly.  But they're on a three-game winning streak and hope to climb back into the playoff picture.  The Bunnies - on the other hand - are reeling.  They've lost approximately ten straight games because their owner is a jackass who doesn't know the first thing about football.  But apparently he's got somebody feeding him information, because he does seem to know enough to block waiver wire selections that aren't to his advantage.  Why the first choice on this week's waiver wire was not granted to the team by which he was first selected may never be known.  But it's awfully fishy that the very same player wound up on the roster of the league commissioner.  Very fishy, indeed.

And wouldn't you know our consolation prize would be a Washington ***skin.  We'd be tempted to drop him tomorrow if he wasn't the best player on that sorry franchise.  Oh, and lest you think this is an isolated incident, Dabysan has already attempted to weasel out of certain aspects of our wager on the outcome of last Monday's game.  This shameful chicanery is almost enough to convince us to re-evaluate our position and support Jodi in the 52P52W Challenge.  Almost.