One would think a juvenile pizza party and an awkward gift exchange would suffice for the forced holiday cheer, but no. There's still the matter of the official office party, just over an hour from now. But despite the unwelcome imposition on my weekend of an all-but-mandatory work function, this is actually the least unctuous of the three. Things could certainly be worse. For starters, as of last year we moved the gathering to the Post-Ironic Hipster bowling alley downtown. It's not a convenient as, say, three blocks from my house, but it's Metro accessible and a whole lot closer than hauling my ass up to Bethesda. And for all my complaining, my company is quite generous. I'll be cabbing home on their dime, and - as in years past - if we choose to continue, er, celebrating.... at another venue after the official party ends, our tab will likely be a reimbursable expense as well. Most importantly, I genuinely don't hate most of my co-workers, which wasn't always the case.
The last place I worked threw tremendously awful holiday parties. I recall like it happened yesterday the first year I was there. The office manager came to my desk in October, claiming to have a great idea for that year's festivities. "First we'll all go out to a nice restaurant, and after we will have a charter bus take us on a nighttime tour of the monuments!" She seemed genuinely surprised when I was slightly less than enthused. I believe my exact words were: "That's a terrible idea." Yeah, I have a way with people.
Needless to say my input was not valued. Dinner was okay, I guess, except for the company and that the nice restaurant in question was in Georgetown which I generally try to avoid because that's about the only part of the city where the Late Night Shots crowd isn't afraid to go. Not to mention that it's one of the more annoying neighborhoods to which to travel for us car-less urbanites. As for the ill-conceived bus tour, it was worse even than I had imagined. Aside from being a remarkably stupid activity for a group of people who actually live in and around Washington, buses are not exactly the most comfortable mode of transport and are even less so when one is wearing a suit. Drinks were served out of a cooler, but the whole process was so cumbersome that nobody bothered. And most often we were just sitting idle in traffic, which is nobody's idea of a good time. The most remarkable thing is that they did the same thing the very next year! I had already put in my notice by then (and had checked out mentally months before), so I just went to dinner. There was no way in hell I was getting on another goddamn bus.
What we should have done is taken the DC Trolley, because that thing is totally rad. I rode the trolley for the first time a couple of summers ago when Vrabel was in town to meet up with a distant cousin from Oregon (or maybe Washington state, I forget) who had never been here before - a circumstance when doing the touristy stuff is, you know, appropriate. We were at a loss late in the afternoon for what next to do before meeting up with the Mehaffeys for dinner. We decided to let the trolley decide our fate. It dropped us off at Arlington National Cemetery, but the real fun was in the journey. I leaned out the window. "Ding, ding!" I shouted to passers-by. "Ding, ding! 'Cause I'm riding a TROLLEY!!!" I better wrap this thing up, and quick, because just thinking about the trolley has put me in a much better mood. I'm going to need some time to work myself back into a seething and silent rage before this stupid holiday party.
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